I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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