gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
