my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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