the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
