I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
