i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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