just come out here and I will go home with you...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
