It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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