I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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