her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So much rum. So many feels.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
