What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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