thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
