The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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