you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
