You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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