Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
