and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We are all done wearing pants today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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