i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
