but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
