My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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