she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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