How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
