She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
