girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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