I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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