he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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