Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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