Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
