You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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