I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
