Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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