piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
