remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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