I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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