New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
