I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
