I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As shirtless as possible
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
