Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
