You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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