I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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