she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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