mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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