I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She said her name was "party"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
