I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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