im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
