What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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