When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
