dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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