While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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