We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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