So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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