is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
