i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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