mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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