Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
