i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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