I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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